WORD

First dates can be tricky. You don't know what to wear, you don't know what you're gonna order, but most importantly... FRiGgIn HeLL! What the devil are you gonna SAY?!

I've comprised a little package in mostly picture form to guide you along your way to a better, healthier and more substantial, 'Dating Woman Of The World'.

FOOD CHOICES:

WATER FROM THE TAP

A CHEAP SALAD LEAF: (WATERCRESS PERHAPS?)

CLOTHES:

A SEXY DEVIL OUTFIT TO STAND OUT FROM THE OTHER DINERS AT PIZZA EXPRESS?

SAY NO MORE, SHE LOOKS FINE!

OKAY! So picture package is now sorted, it's time to give you some lingo.

1. When kissing hello you should stutter "You smell like a guy I used to get with!" This will put him at ease as he now knows that other men wear the scent he was once worried about buying. Not anymore though! Sweet!!!
2. When eating repeat, "You smell like a guy I used to get with!" It will be ecstasy to his ears because it will make you look a little clumsy and cute and a bit forgetful.
3. When it's time for Sexy Love Making you can really say anything, I'd opt for, "I thought I was horny but turns out it's just pretty sweaty down there!" Makes you seem like you're in to sports, and all boys like sports!

Sports sports sports.

<3Hope this get's you a second date <3

GFOTY AKA DWOTW (Dating Woman Of The World)

SATURDAY NIGHT

I JUST ONE BIG BUCKS ON THE FOOTBALL GAME! And I now have enough to buy myself the new Take That single! BEAUTY!!!

Nothing sucks more then being the only one in a group of pals who is single whilst slow jams are playing. So I've decided to exit the love fest and instead enter the dove nest by trying out the new Dove body lotion on my cat!

Here are the results!

XXX !!!ME!!! XXX

OMG IM SO EXCITED FOR MY NEXT BLOGPOST!

SPECTICOOLS

Babies! I'm back! And guess what's hot! GLASSES!

I get so excited when I see a hot babe in a pair of sexy specs, I almost explode in all regions!

Anyway, the real matter is, "How the hell do I get my self one of these guys?"

BEHOLD! ! ! ! ! I have some great advice and some fantastic facts about guys with glasses to ensure we all have one inside of us by the end of the afternoon.

1. Guys with glasses see worse with out their glasses on, meaning looks aren't essential with this species. I suggest you wear less, and learn more <- (This leads me on to my next point)
2. Guys with glasses see the philosophical things in life as a turn on. Try reading a book on astronomy, physics or karma-sutra for that special bond between two people.
3. You must beware that your Guy with glasses isn't a faker. The easiest way to tell this (with out taking off his glasses and trying them on for yourself) is to look at his outfit. Ifhe is wearing Hightop trainers with tight bright jeans tucked in, a top saying "I ♥ (anything)" I reckon he's a faker. You'll also probs be able to tell he's a faker because the rims wont have frames in, this is generally an evident sign.
4. If the glasses look like pedophile glasses, he probably is one. Don't get involved.

Hope this helps a little bit. Here's a picture to get you through your day!

XxXGFOTYXxX

@BEAT MUSIC SEX@

HEY FEMALES! HOW'S THE ATTITUDE?

MY SECOND GUEST FEATURE ON THIS WEBSITE HERE (CLICK THE WORDS 'WEBSITE HERE' !!!)

I'm trying to help you all so please take everything I ever write in to account. It upsets me seeing so many single people on Valentines days and at 00:00 on NYE.

So much love to you and your family.

XGFOTYX

THREE WAYS TO AVOID GETTING DUMPED

1. Never tell the truth if the truth is, you stayed at home with your gurls watching Hannah Montana and eating Malteasers ... A much better story is, your friend Colin took you out for drinks, and you don't really remember what happened. Jealousy always works in your favour
2. Sometime's crying can work in your favour!!! If you think your man may be close to ending things, pretend something dreadful has happened so then he'll feel guilty and will have to stay with you for a bit longer. (This is possibly one of the best tricks of the trade)
3. As I said in my FIRST EVER POST, Just to be quite frank, DON'T SPEAK! EVER! No seriously, if you don't speak, you'll enable yourself to avoid pretty much any argument, tiff and most importantly any fight. You're making it easier for the both of you. Just lie back, open up your legs, occasionally your mouth (sometimes your back way) and just let him enjoy the ride.

Let me know how it goes,

I love you all, GFOTY xxx

I JUST FOUND SEVERAL DATES ON ONE SITE

AND IT WASN'T MATCHINFINITY.COM (Although I've found a fair few in my time)

Anyway darlings, here are some crucial rules when setting up an account on a non dating website when you're trying to find a date...

I just created an account on this WKD website --->> MY PARTY GENIE (.com!!!) <<--- It allowed me to actually stalk any guy of my choice to find out WHAT and WHERE and WHICH party they would be that night!

Last night one member said they were gonna be at China White, he was TALL, HANDSOME, and DARK! I rocked up to the club in my favourate rainbow coloured tee, my jimmy choo's and I ditched the panties out of the cab window, and voila!!! I found him! Now we're party mates and we're gonna stay in contact via the website!

xx GFOTY xx

Blogger

Hey bitchez!

Bloggers been down recently, so please don't tell me you've gone against all my codes of conduct and done silly things to get guys to start thinking you're creepy!

I'm going for buttermilk pancakes with my MOM. I'll let you know the verdict and some new rules in a few!

Signing off,

GFOTY

DIFFERENT SUBJECT!

HEY GURLS! I'm taking a break from bagging boys today, because not only myself (GFOTY!!!!!)BUT ALSO Sexyfashionblog (LEBERT!!!) Have been spotting a ridiculous amount of street animals drinking RED BULL (gives you wings!!!) LOOK!!!!

MY PIGEON ENCOUNTER:

LE BERT'S SQUIRREL VISION:

Have you got any animals with red bulls?

BE ON THE LOOK OUT!

x GFOTY x

DA POWER OF 3

I was waiting at the train station last night.. And i was waiting for my friend and he was running late.. So I needed to catch some attention to other passer-boys (play on words!!!) in the street... In a rash move.. I decided to burst in to tears and urinate and then jump in to the nearest swimming pool (Shoreditch house!!!)

I-WAS-THE-CENTRE-OF-ATTENTION. !!!

SO AMAZING!!!

PRESENTS

Hey Cuddle Bunnies!!!

I am so in love today!!! *cough* *yawn* *smile* SO !!! I've been receiving emails from my fans asking me to help them out with present ideas for their lovely boyfriends!!! I chose the top three to give advice to..

1. Chelsea from America, kindly emailed in asking me if I thought the below was a good idea for her boyfriend, Drake for Christmas!!!

That's an awful idea!!!! I hope it's not too late bbz!

2. Crystal from USA, It's her boyfriends 18th !!! (awwww)

Crystal!!! Go straight for the sex, that's all he really wants! You've wasted an awful amount of money. (However the Brownies are a cool idea!!! - have you traced them with anything? GOOD GOING GAL!

READ BELOW!!!

3. A lovely man actually emailed in with his advice as to what to get them for gifts!!!



There we have it... Some good old fashioned weights for some good old fashioned dates!!!

<3<3<3

GUESS WHAT GURLS!

I'm going to a super cool club night tonight.. AND IM GONNA GET LAID!!!

My technique for tonight is to act cool, calm, and savvy.. My tips for the day are to play it cool when you're on the pull.. I recommend not sleeping with someone unless he's REALLY REALLY REALLY cool, like he should own a car and have a degree in being a bachelor!!! Im so excited.. Has anyone got and suggestions on what I should wear??? I was thinking a pink boob tube and some booty shorts, but then again I don't wanna come across to reserved, so maybe i should wear no bra? OMG i'm so confused!!!

IF YOU WANNA SEE ME... YOU WILL FIND ME HERE!!!





I LOVE YOU ALL

xoxoxox GFOTY xoxoxox

FOLLOWING

Hey babylicious!!!

Following the blog doesn't hurt anyone

<3<3<3

I 'V E D O N E A M I S T A K E

Accidentelly shaved EVERYTHING OFF :-(

Now i'm never gonna get a boyfriend.

Hmmm... ALTHOUGH MAYBE I CAN START A NEW TREND? I collected all the shavings so I thought I'd maybe take it in my purse with me and show it to guys so they know that I used to have hair!

xxxxxxxxx NIGHT GURLS xxxxxxxxx

GFOTY

SEXY SONGS

Hello again girls!!!

So, THE BEAT asked me to put together my fav tunes for a date.

AND I DID JUST THAT! plz check it out here!!!

xxx GfOtY xxx

(CLICK ON ANY OF THE ABOVE TEXT TO SEE!!! YOU CAN EVEN CLICK ON THIS TEXT!!!)

YAWN

OH MY GOD.

I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT LAST ESPRESSO SHOT!!!

MY LIFE IS IN CAPITALS!!!

MY NIGHT WAS SOOOO COOL LAST NIGHT!

I've never been to such a cool place! The people were all so trendy, and the bands were so funky! THE BEST THING ABOUT IT? MEN MEN MEN!!!!! Oh my god! It was just so cool!!!

Now i've got the swing of how they work, I'm gonna start going to gigs way more often... So anyway, in ode to gigging, I'm gonna give you some fanatical facts for what to wear to a gig.

A bowler hat - not too big because you don't wanna look like a complete dick (i mean come on!! err hello!!!)

Walk around with a guitar on your back at ALL times - This is because you can blend in and make boyfriends!

Opt for sensible yet chic shoes - Converses in pink or purple obvies!!!

Wear a dress - Floral patterns please girls! But make sure it's not TOO short because when your moshing out you don't want your bikini line on show!!!

HAVE A GOOD DAY PLEASE. MWAHHHHH!!!! xx GFOTY xx

OHMYGOD!

I'm going to a GIG tonight!!!!

I'm gonna see a live band!!!

I'm gonna drink beer!!!!

I'm gonna blend with other giggers!!!

THE BEST THING ABOUT IT????????

IM GONNA FIND AN INDIE MAN! Wearing skinny jeans! pointy shoes! and hopefully a mullet!!!

I'm not a huge gigger but i've done my research and apparently all i need to do to attract a man is take something called ketamine and go in to a K HOLE?!?!

Plz give me some advice, because i don't know how to go about this!!!

TONIGHT I'M GOING IN HARD. SO HARD. LIKE MY EX BOYFRIENDS BESTFRIENDS PENIS!!!

TWITTER TIPS!

SO NOW YOU'LL NEVER BE SHORT FOR BOY HELP

♥ HERE CLICK ON THIS! ♥

FOLLOW!!!

GURLFRIEND DICKTIONARY!

HEY ladygirls!

I realised that lingo is sometimes a problem when it comes to talking dirty with the guys!!! SO... I decided to give you some useful words which MUST be put in to your next sexual conversation with a fella.

Word of the day: Stiltzkin

Stiltzkin is a collaboration of Stilton and Foreskin... You'd use the word when your in bed with man.

EXAMPLE? WELL HERE WE GO!!!

Boyfriend: Hey bitch, wheres the blow-j @?

You: OH ITS COMING

Boyfriend: Hurry the fuck up.

You: I hope it's Stiltzkin down there.. I haven't eaten for days

Boyfriend: Hurry the fuck up bitch.

<3 LAVISH AND LUSH <3 HEAVEN ON EARTH! GOODBYE!

BOYS ARE

IT TAKES

£5 to save a child in Africa from getting Scurvy...

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE!!!

It only takes 5 minutes to set up a dating account on a website and find 5 MEN who live really near you!!! Don't believe me? JUST FOUND THIS GUY! And we're meeting up for a drink (OR TWO!) in a few hours...

OUTFIT? - I'm wearing NOTHING!

DRINKING? - STRAIGHT PROSECCO!!!

EATING? - OYSTERS (natural aphrodisiac!)

SLEEPING? - HIS!

CONVERSATION? ( Still don't know :-( I'm scared and I'm nervous )

S3X

HAVING SEX IS ALL ABOUT THE RIGHT POSTURE.

OUTIES!

LOOK SEXY!

GET A TITTY JOB!

GO WORK IN A STRIP JOINT!

TAKE A CLASS IN BLOWY TECHNIQUES!

LIE ABOUT YOUR LIFE!

PRETEND YOU'VE HAD SEVERAL THREESOMES AND SEX WITH OVER 50 GUYS!

IF YOU'VE HAD A BABY, PRETEND IT DOESNT EXSIST!

PRETEND YOU EAT MORE THEN JUST SALADS AT DINNER

WEAR AGENT PROVOCATEUR AS DAY TO DAY CLOTHES!!!

SLUT OUT WHEN IN DOUBT!

If you can do all the above at once. I assure you you'll get some kinda man.. HEY! He may not be the best kind but all men are the best.

I FRIGGIN' LOVE GUYS SO MUCH.

OUTIES.