Monday, 21 March 2011

HEY HOTTYS

Its hard to be a GF of the year. But with simple steps and small lifestyle changes you can too, learn to be a #1 GF. Before starting the programme you need to make sure you rid of all the BS stopping you from making this life changing person.

#1. No more blackmailing. Unless its completely emotional. Then that's fine.
#2. Stop reading 'Cosmo', and start reading 'Real Life' or 'Love It'. Cosmo manages to make us feel powerful in wrong ways. If you read 'Real Life' it enables you to get in the mind of REAL WOMEN who have the power to write life changing stories, and if those women can write with power, they can sure be GFS of the Year.
#3. Go to a Beauty Salon and get a Brazilian. Even better, get a Hollywood. Having one of the two suggests to your Boyf that you are a child. They will then think they have complete power. Little do they know that it's actually you in the power because you decided to get the wax job in the first place. Works a charm.
#4. Get UGG boots so that then your boyfriend can get you to stop wearing them. When you stop wearing them they will exclaim to their lads, "My girls the best. She had some buttz UGG boots and then i asked her to stop wearing them, and the bitch did exactly that!" They'll fall at your feet. Literally.
#5. Similar to the last one. Pretend your a vegetarian for the first few months. If he takes you on a date, order the tof-acon carbonara, or the tof-eggs benedict (eggs florentine) but stash some porkrinds in your jacket pocket and have a few toilet breaks. Then after a few months suprise him with a home cooked Pig Roast, and tell him for him you'd do anything. Doing something like this will make him exclaim to his brothers "My girls the BOMB! she used to not eat meat now she's all over it!" He will also see your sudden meat eating fetish to something similar to giving great Blow j's so in fact it's a win win.
Finally #6. Don't take anything to heart. If he hates your mum, so do you. If he doesn't like your voice, don't speak, and most importantly, if he doesn't like your friends, get some new ones.

Peace out. <3 GFOTY

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