Monday, 25 April 2011

THEHORIZONISLOOKINGGOOD!

Happy Easter Monday my terrestrial friends!

It's been SO0o00o0O Eventful.

WHY?

Let me begin! -

So I was in a debate with all my girls because they thought the way to catch a man's attention on the beach was COMPLETELY different to mine!

URGH! ER... HELLO?!

I'm not gonna tell you what they thought because then you might get confused and do the wrong thing. (AND THAT WOULD BE SOOO BAD.)

  • Go to a sexy bikini shop.. (I opted for this little number)
It's sweet, smart AND sensual! (Wooo! 3 points for triple alliteration gurl!)

  • Posing is a must-must. If you can stay like this for as long as possible, you'll be sure to turn some heads.

NOW ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SHOUT AS ANY GUY WHO TICKLES YOUR FANCY. It would be rude for them just to ignore you, so I can guarantee you'll get spoken to.

CONVERSATION? - He's got nice abs, killer biceps, wicked triceps, he resembles BRAD PITT<3<3<3 Keep the compliments going,= (whilst holding the above posistion)

If he doesn't react. THROW SAND IN HIS FACE!!! (A little flirting never killed anyone) Sooner then you know it, you and your man, will be sharing your tan.

LOVE YOU SO MUCH! BYE!





Thursday, 21 April 2011

TAKE FLIRTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL:

  • Ask him to be your boyfriend!
  • Don't ask him to be your boyfriend, just tell everyone he is, so it's a presumed fact!
  • Turn up at his house scantilly clad/naked!
  • Turn up at his house scantilly clad/naked and start crying! (he'll be bound to let you in!)
  • Get his house keys copied, clean his house, move your stuff in AND THEN FLIRT.
Flirting's a funny thing my honeyz. I think if we all did it My Way, we'll be on the road to the High Way...

P.S IT'S EASTER HOLIDAYS! What are YOU doing?

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

I WENT SHOPPING!

O MY GAWDDDDD!!!

So basics, today i went shopping, and despite the weather shining I decided to not go boy hunting, but to instead by this for my NEXT ENCOUNTER!!!


I want him to be TALL-DARK-AND-HANDOME Then I'll charm his snake with my skills i learnt from ♥THIS LINK HERE♥ (CLICK THE LINK TO SEE!!!) Obviously you girlywirlies are meant to be taking my advice BUT I SIMPLY COULDN'T RESIST THE CUTE ADVICE - AWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

I love pink, and flowers and rainbows too still obviously, but today i just wanted to kink it up and about!!!

NEXT POST, i teach you how to rim someone!

KEEP UPDATED!!!

!!!GFOTY!!!

Monday, 18 April 2011

HOW DID IT GO?

HEY BABY GURLZ!

HOW HAS YOUR WKND BEEN?

I BET YOU ARE ALL WONDERING HOW MY FRIDAY NIGHT WENT RIGHT?

\/\/=|_|_
IT WENT SO SWIMMINGLY!!!!

Firstly i met the man of my dreams when we were playing 7 heaven. We made out for 30 seconds and we exchanged numbers!!! I've been waiting on a call ALL weekend, and i texted him like 7 times but no reply!!! It's gonna be so radical when he finally get's the courage to reply to me ♥

Anyway I've gotta be swift because I need to wait by my celly incase he calls.

But Ill be keeping you up to scratch tomorrow, with all my other news.

PEACE SO BAD!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Friday, 15 April 2011

!FRIDAYNIGHT!

AND THE MOOD IS RIGHT!
OH WHAT A NIGHT!
OOOH WHAT A NIGHT!

It's friday night girlies and i'm going to a party and there's gonna be loads of alcopops and boys! I'm planning on getting tipsy and getting whisked away by a hunk! "BUT HOW?" I BET YOU ASK?

  1. Make up: LOADS OF IT. (I want the yet-un-met man of my dreams to see the real me not the dressed down version)
  2. Clothes: LITTLE OF IT. (I want him to see what I have been blessed with from our holy lord with, as some would say, I have the figure of a greek mythical goddess <---WONDER!)
  3. Conversation topic check list. THIS IS VITAL. Remember girls, I'm potentially meeting my future husband at this cool party so I need to make sure I say the right thing at the right time...
Boy says: hey!
Girl says: (just nod)
B: what brings you here?
G: (take a sip of your drink and then shrug)
B: I'm Chad
G:Chad?
B: Yeah, Chad
G: You know what that rhymes with?
B: What?
G: Mad
B: Oh Right, I guess it does
G:You know the relevance of that?
B: What?
G: I am mad.. for you.

SO MYSTERIOUS YET SO COY!

WISH ME LUCK!!!

HERE'S ONE I DID EARLIER

CONGRATS IT FRIDAY! What better way to celebrate by making a beautiful collage for your MR! I made this for mine at 10am today and it got such good response! Not only did it make him blush but he returned the favour by giving me some merchandise from here!!!
Wanna bag a man like mine? HERE'S HOW:
  1. Hang out in cool hotspots in soho-
  2. It should be "goating day" (click on anyone of the FIRST FIVE WORDS of step two to see how!)
  3. lush lush lush - you've bagged him
Now you just gotta keep him! ! !
HOW?
BY MAKING HIM THIS COOL COLLAGE!

W-OW!
M
--------GFOTY


Wednesday, 13 April 2011

♥BOYS♥

D8A-STATS-POLLS

Good afternoon my dears! Well well well, it's been a busy few days down at Girlfriend HQ, I've been averaging out the polls I've made and have FINALLY got some answers! So I asked a large handful of men some questions about how we should act on a first date.

HERE'S THE RESULTS!

  • A whopping 78% of men requested that we do actually opt for the Salad. With John from York saying, "Yeah, it uh.. really helps the budget, I expect a girl to eat salad as well especially as she should be watching her waistline."
  • A massive 92% said that we should deffs give in on the first date. With Trev from Hollyhead stating, "YEAH chicks should definitely be in for the bone on the first date. IT'S A FIRST DATE and probably the last date, so why wouldn't they get it over and done with?"
  • 80% said leave the talking to the guys. "The worst thing on a first date is listening to a girl drag on about her nails, her diet and her menstrual bleeds." - Partick from Haberdashers.
  • With 80% saying the above, a magnificent 85% said "Keep the conversation subject sexual" Matt from Basingstoke saying, "I love a good wank, and if she doesn't wanna know, that bitch gotta go"
  • Finally, a mere 8% of men said they care about what you look like on a first date. With the other 92% claiming they'd actually prefer if you were wearing a balaclava. Frank from Tottenham even shouted "I'D RATHER A GURL WEAR SOMETHING OVER THAT HEAD. IF I CAN'T SEE HER FACE THEN I FORGET THAT SHE HAS FEELING'S THEREFORE I CAN TREAT HER LIKE MY LOVEDOLLS."

Guys! A major thank you for all your help and advice! If any other fellaz want to contribute to the stats please comment! MUCH APPRECIATED!

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x
GFOTY
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Monday, 11 April 2011

DANCER!

HAPPY MUNDAY BABES! Though I'd mix it up a bit and show you how to impress boys!BY DANCING!!!



video

xxxxxxxxGFOTYxxxxxxxxx

Friday, 8 April 2011

#3 TOP D8 LOCATION

MY NUMBER THREE TOP DATE LOCATION WOULD HAVE TO BE...

ERMMM!!!

TOPMAN!!! WHY? WELL LET ME TELL YOU!

We want our men to look and feel the best, so what better place to take them on a date then Topman?! They'll be placed around a bunch of less attractive spanners(!!!!!!!) wearing MR Bumpy tops!

THIS MEANS!!!!!

You got it gurlies! Topman = My #3 TOP D8 LO-C8!

CONVERSATION I HEAR YOU SAY?

cars, trucks, vans, lorries, trainers, indie-bands, guitars, drums, bass, girls, tits, ass, ass and tits, spitting, boxing, wrestling, mud wrestling, whiskey, james bond, iphone4, apps, taps, gadgets, widgets, money, footy!!! FOOTY!!! FOOOOOOTTTTTTTY.

Xo0o0o0o0o0o0oGFOTYo0o0o0o0o0o0oX

THANKS 4 THE ♥


IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU'RE ALL TAKING MY ADVICE SO LITERALLY.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Thursday, 7 April 2011

LESSON #1

Hey Girls!

Hey Girls!

Hey Girls!

Did I ever tell you about the time my ex broke up with me? THIS IS A LESSON FOR WHAT WE SHOULDN'T DO, but I thought I'd let you know how i used to be before i became GFOTY...

A long long time ago (why, i remember it like it was yesterday!) I was sitting in Croyden Park waiting for my BF of 6 days.. We were meant to be meeting at 3pm GBT and it was already 3:07pm GBT!!! I'd already called him 8 times and sent him 4 bbms. Luckily I'd planned ahead and took my ghetto blaster with me so i could boom out this song..


So... I was blasting this out whilst drinking a bottle of J20 orange flavour which I'd pre spiked with half a shot of Glenns vodka and I could see him arriving from 400 yards across the park (I'd taken my old binoculars with me that I used to use when I went to Oxford St incase I spotted a celeb!)

Where was I? Oh! That's right... So I could see him coming, so i quickly tied one shoe lace to the other shoe lace and started urinating and screaming his name because I thought it would show him how worried I was that he might've been a NO SHO. To my comolete and utter despair and suprise he turned around and legged it back out of the park.

In a moment of desperation I went to run after him but I forgot to pull up my trousers and untie my shoe laces and ended up decking it in front of EVERYBODY in the park!

I ended up in A&E (thats accident and emergency to you and me!!!) where the nurse told me I'd overdosed on the Glenns Vodka shot i'd downed earlier and it resulted in wetting myself..

IT WAS SO EMBARRISING and I never heard from him again..

LESSON TO BE LEARNED: Don't drink before a date.

:-( To this day I still wonder what would've happend. :-(

)-:GFOTY:-(

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

RECITE

IT'S LOVELY OUTSIDE TODAY! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT GIRLS! CALM DOWN! I know it may be a bit late today and i'm sorry for not telling you all this in advance, but next time a day like this comes along, organise a romantic walk with your beau.

however!

You MUST learn the lyrics to this banger. On the walk, recite these lyrics to him. It will subconsciously get in to his head. The best thing about this is that you need to take a tape recorder out with you at all times, so when he recites them back to you (subconsciously) you can show him the evidence and emotionally blackmail him in to proposing to you. Don't believe me? Why do you think my surnames not "Flowingperiod" anymore?


I DO.

BEEN QUITE SLOW RECENTLY. REASON WHY?! BECAUSE I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING THE BEST NEW WAY TO GET YOUR MAN TO SAY "I AM".

GIRLS! It's so simple! ALL WE NEED TO DO IS CHANGE OUR SURNAMES!

Reason being: Our boyfs don't want to introduce us to his friends by saying (read below!!!)

Guy 1: "Bredrins, CHECK THIS OUT! I'm dating this really hot CHICK! - She gives great Blow-J's and doesnt ask for anything back!"

Guys plural: "WOW man! What's her name?"

Guy 1: Jessica Hardmeat

Guys plural: (they'd totally be lolling right now..)

END OF SCENARIO

This is the trick! You give your self an awful surname, he'll hate it, and then he'll marry you so you can share a normal surname! No longer will you be 'Jessica Hardmeat' But you could be 'Jessica Brown" or 'Jessica Green'

Try it out.
I know it will work.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoGirlfriendoftheyearoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

Here's a list of to saw a few which we could change them to. CLICK ON "CLICK!"

Friday, 1 April 2011

HE HASN'T GOT AN IPHONE!

GOOD SUNDAY GIRLIES! There's been a bit of a commotion with regards to an earlier post titled "DIDYOUHAVEFUNATHEPUB?" It seem's a few of you top girls have been worrying because your hubby hasn't got an Iphone therefore you can't track his moves! With one girl even saying ... "Alex doesn't have an iphone!?!!! HOW CAN I SHOW HIM I CARE?!?!?!!!!"

NOT TO FEAR!

There's another simple way to go about showing him you care, and i'm gonna share it with you!!!

SO

There's a shop called "The Apple Store". They're only about £495 and with that type of money, GUESS WHAT?! You've just bought an IPHONE 4! I suggest doing this straight away. He'll also think it's bliss that you got him a Phone! IT'S A WIN-WIN SITUATION REALLY.

Regent Street and Covent Garden are MY nearest stores.. What about you?

Peace and love sisters!
xoxoxox GFOTY xoxoxox

TOP 3 SHOPS TO MAKE SURE YOUR D8 THINK YOU'RE GR8

We all know it's difficult deciding what to wear on that special date with that special someone, don't we ladies!! Don't worry, i've sussed out what works, and what hurts and i've comprised a list of the hottest shops to wow your dream man!!! READ BELOW!

  • Ann Summers- I recommend the crotchless panties (as mentioned in previous posts), if you're not feeling frivolous enough, opt for something a little more savvy like the animal faces which make noises when you squeeze them.. That's sure to make for a good conversation starter!

E.G: Guy "Hey girl! you look FINE. What underwear are you wearing?
You "Oh.. just these animal ones, wanna squeeze?"

HEAVEN!
  • Primark- He'll think you look poor and he'll think you can't dress. He'll want to get those clothes off you in NO time gurl!
  • D&G- He'll think you are rich and will stay with you for the money. Works a wonderful charm sister!
Work it fashion babes!

xxx GFOTY xxx